Last week was quite a week, wasn’t it? I found myself saying aloud, “What is happening?”
What is happening? A lot, to say the least, and enough to leave anyone in a state of sadness and despair. What a mess. An important, troubling mess that needs sorting and fixing. Anyone on all sides of the table can probably agree with that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s to come, both for me and for the country. I think, like many, I secretly hoped for clarity and change as the New Year rolled around. A clear path to the future.
When I know I need to make a change, I delay the decisions and hope for a “sign” that it’s the correct one before I make it. I’m sure many can relate to that. Big decisions are scary. Change is scary. But risk is necessary sometimes. Like I’ve been saying for a long time, I can’t move forward without getting uncomfortable from time to time.
But a sign would be nice sometimes, right?
I suppose clarity and answers are often present if we stop and listen long enough to see them. There’s something to be learned everywhere, even if it’s in the little things.
That’s what I want to share today… a few clarifying little things.
I’m almost done recording the Agent Innocent audiobook. Then the editing process begins and the final version will hopefully be available sooner than later. I’ve struggled so much with this recording process. Reading it all aloud led to many “Take 2’s” as I broke down on the recording, muttering “I can’t do this” before stopping the recording.
But I’ve almost done it. As I’ve been reading ahead before recording the last couple chapters, I came across a journal entry I included in Chapter 24 of Agent Innocent. I’m going to share it here again today:
“How do you want to be remembered, Melanie Lentz?
I want people to say I was what love looked like.
I want to be remembered as kind, for kindness stems from love.
I want to be remembered as strong, because a strong lover fights for herself, for her loved ones, and those who can’t fight for themselves.
I want to be remembered as lovely, because a lovely person transcends the superficial descriptions of sexy, cute, hot, et cetera. A lovely person is beautiful because she loves.
I want to be remembered as modest in the classiest of ways, for a woman who loves herself respects herself enough to learn her true worth which goes beyond measurements, size, and pressures to overexpose.
I want to be remembered as honest, for honesty itself is a reflection of love in its purest form. Honest love is transparent love, and she’s not afraid to show it even if fear and rejection have tainted her past. She just honestly loves anyway.
I want to be remembered as motivated and productive, for a motivated and productive woman doesn’t bask in the conveniences of idleness but hustles and produces. She can stand on her own because she loves herself enough to take care of herself.
I want to be remembered as a rejuvenator, for no real woman is a drain on those around her. A rejuvenator loves herself enough to know that building others up is fulfilling in and of itself. Breaking others down to feel full is not love. It’s selfish, and selfishness has no place in love. Self-love, yes. Selfishness, no.
I want to be remembered as a fighter, for a woman who fights for what is right is a lover. She won’t run at the first sign of trouble. She’s committed to her life and those in it. She’s not afraid to stand and exchange if it means saving something worth fighting for.
I want to be remembered as humble, never too good for anything. Even if she’s a real lady, she’s never superior. Never entitled. Never afraid to get her hands dirty and pitch in to help others. She’s not afraid to get out of her comfort zone because she loves enough to get the job done.
I want to be remembered because I loved so very hard.”
The little things.
Sometimes it’s less about the blatant signs and more about the subtle ones that bring perspective. Reading this chapter and journal entry reminded me that if something takes me away from who I want to be and the legacy I want to have, then it’s not the right place for me to be.
This morning I walked into work, and a co-worker had left me a note, something we all do for each other from time to time.
Today’s read: “Happy Monday! Inhale something good. Exhale something that you no longer need.”
The little things. I paused and thought about some good things. There were many good things to reflect on. And then I thought about the things I no longer need in my life. A couple came to mind immediately, and there was a clarification I had been seeking. A peace of sorts. All from a piece of paper and a thoughtful handwritten note.
The little things.
After work today, I went to pick up a Lowe’s order. While I waited for my items, an elderly man came to the Return counter next to me. He asked to see a manager. I inwardly rolled my eyes, instantly assuming he had a complaint, that he was too cool to speak with the employee at the register about his grievance.
Much to my surprise, when the manager came he proceeded to say, “I just bought these work gloves, and Jennifer helped me. She walked me all over till we found the right ones. I just wanted you to know how helpful she was. People are always complaining, but they don’t point out the good. I don’t want to be like that. That’s all I had for you. You have a good day now!” And off he went.
The little things.
Whenever I can, highlight something good. I want to be more like this old man.
On this “Happy” Monday, I choose to highlight the good things today. I’m thankful for the opportunity to record an audiobook. I’m thankful for the lessons and reminders within that book and the one I needed to be reminded of. I’m thankful for a thoughtful note from a co-worker that made me pause and think about what really matters to me. And lastly, I’m thankful for an old man with work gloves at Lowe’s to took the time to praise the good in Jennifer.
May his good vibes be as contagious as COVID because Lord knows we need more of those vibes.