To-Do List: Do Better

I am a lists person. Most rooms in the house have a stack of post-it notes and a sharpie within arm’s reach. Lists make me feel like I can finish something. They give me a sense of accomplishment.

Do any of you write something on a to-do list AFTER you’ve completed the task just to feel the satisfaction of crossing it off the list? (Asking for a friend.)

In keeping with my list fetish, this week I’m making another one because it’s been a “Monday” sort of Monday thus far and I’d like to finish something (even if it’s a short list-y blog).

Five Things 2020 has Taught Me About Myself Thus Far

(This is not an all-inclusive list, but I have other things on my to-do list today, so I’ll keep it brief in order to check “blog” off the list.)

1. I don’t like when people don’t listen to me.

People want to be heard, and the loudest voices aren’t always the ones people should be hearing. Current events would suggest that some voices need to be quieter to allow for the unheard to be heard. There’s that saying from the movie Dirty Dancing that goes “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” We’re not supposed to let people silence us or put us in a corner, but it’s also good virtue to know when it’s time to be quiet so others can be heard.

Being ignored, however, is not fun. I get bent out of shape when people don’t listen to me at work or in my daily life. On a grander scale, this is “first world problems,” as they say. I had to learn “command presence” at one point in my life, and that is exactly what it sounds like: command the attention of those around you. I learned to command attention by yelling and raising my voice, both in my personal and professional life. Sometimes it was warranted. Other times I was out of line.

I find that speaking up is probably not my bigger problem. My bigger problem is telling people to shut up. Be quiet, world. I have something to say. Maybe it goes beyond that. I wonder if I have something worthwhile to say, so I hesitate to speak. Clearly, this item on my list needs more contemplation.

I’ve written recently about knowing there are certain current issues I need to learn more about. I need to listen. Recognizing my own frustrations with feeling ignored at times is just a glimpse of what certain populations have experienced and are still experiencing. Perhaps my role in this is twofold: I need to listen, of course, but I can also encourage and advocate for others to speak up. I can give them my attention without them having commanded it because they deserve to be heard. We all have a story to learn from.

2. I am not always productive with excessive free time.

COVID and quarantine have shown me that free time can be taken for granted. I made a lengthy COVID to-do list when I got laid off, and I started off strong. After a while, I just wanted to go back to work. I just wanted things to get back to my normal busyness. I appreciated the opportunity to catch up on house projects and sleep, but the more time that went by, the more I seemed to waste. I watched my livelihood tumble, and I didn’t know where to go. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve accomplished a good chunk of my list, but I look back now that I’m getting back to work and I don’t see a lot to show for two-ish months of mandated personal reset.

3. I can be an ignorant American just like the rest of them.

I don’t have a cable or television plan at my house. I have streaming services, but when it comes to watching the local morning news or catching up on the latest happenings in my area, I’m pretty clueless unless I’m proactive on social media or the Internet. I didn’t recognize one single person on the June ballots a couple weeks ago. Not one. I had to research all of them. I didn’t just move here. I’ve had some time to learn local politics and educate myself. I (lazily) chose not to. Shame on me.

To borrow the phrase from a good friend…

Do better, Lentz.

4. I don’t like feeling helpless.

My dog, Anja, got scared during a thunderstorm recently and got herself wedged in a gap in the laundry room wall while I was gone. I’m still working on the laundry room, and there was a hole in the wall behind the dryer where the previous owners needed to access some plumbing. Anja got herself stuck in the wall trying to hide, and I couldn’t find her when I got home. Thank God I looked back there and saw her tail and paw (which was stuck). She wasn’t moving, and, and hard as I tried (destroyed a chunk of wall trying to get to her), I couldn’t pull her out. I thought my dog was dead in the wall, and that is an absolutely terrible feeling.

If you’ve read my book, you know I view Anja as my little guardian angel. My first thought when I couldn’t get her to move was that she was there when I needed saving, and I wasn’t able to save her when she needed it.

And then her tail twitched. I could only see her butt and the foot but not her face. I haven’t cried or prayed that hard in a long time. By the middle of the night, Anja was free, but the fire department had to come out to my house to make that happen. I am so grateful to them. She was filthy and had a small cut on her leg, and other than being thirsty, hungry, and exhausted, she was okay.

I hate feeling helpless. I broke my saw blade trying to cut into the wall. I tried to use my own strength to pull apart the wall to get to her, but she was so wedged in there, I made no progress to save my little furry angel. I needed help, and I’m glad I asked for it. I cannot begin to express the relief of having her run to me when the firemen got her out.

(Anja is fully recovered, in case you were wondering. She still hates lightning and thunder, though.)

5. My biggest method of procrastination is rearranging my house.

Last night I started taking photos off the wall to rearrange in a more organized matter. This didn’t need to be done. In fact, I had other things I wanted to do, like working on character profiles for my novel. I’m procrastinating because I’m afraid I’ll be a crap novelist and it’s truly what I want to be good at.

So… friends and family, if you see me rearranging my silverware or folding and refolding my fitted sheets, please, for the love of my novel and personal growth, tell me to do better.

I can do better, and 2020 has shown me that doing better is a choice regardless of circumstances. I can and should do better at what really matters.

Again, DO BETTER LENTZ! ;-)

Embracing the typos and making more lists till next Monday-ish.

Mel

March 15, 2021

The MySpace Series: Part One

Last week, I was searching for an email to prepare for a podcast interview. The keyword search produced a handful of emails, one of which had the subject line “myspace blog posts” and myself as the sender/recipient.

Apparently, a few years back (or eleven), I copied all of my old MySpace blogs from college into an email (probably before I deleted everything on MySpace). I don’t remember sending this email, nor do I remember writing any of the posts.

As I read through them, I realized I’ve matured a lot since then, but I also realized I might need to revisit some of the “wisdom” my young adult mind was spouting on MySpace.

I guess I’ve been blogging badly longer than I thought.

March 8, 2021

The Way Up

Well, I’ve had to make some more big changes in my life. For the last month and a half, I’ve been burning the midnight oil, stuck between finishing up the old and getting started with the new. For the first time in a long time, I fell behind on the things that matter to me a lot, and it’s not like me to let that happen. The Type-A in me was (and still is) horrified.

January 11, 2021

The Little Things

Last week was quite a week, wasn’t it? I found myself saying aloud, “What is happening?”

What is happening? A lot, to say the least, and enough to leave anyone in a state of sadness and despair. What a mess. An important, troubling mess that needs sorting and fixing. Anyone on all sides of the table can probably agree with that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s to come, both for me and for the country. I think I, like many, secretly hoped for clarity and change as the New Year rolled around. A clear path to the future.

When I know I need to make a change, I delay the decisions and hope for a “sign” that it’s the correct one before I make it. I’m sure many can relate to that. Big decisions are scary. Change is scary. But risk is necessary sometimes. Like I’ve been saying for a long time, I can’t move forward without getting uncomfortable.

But a sign would be nice, sometimes.

I suppose clarity and answers are often present if we stop and listen long enough to see them. There’s something to be learned everywhere, even if it’s in the little things.

That’s what I want to share today… a few little things.

December 28, 2020

Notes to Self

Last week I went through my Book Box, a big decorative box I used to store book drafts and ideas when I was writing Agent Innocent. Talk about a trip down memory lane. Wow. Those early book drafts were rough, not to mention very angry and depressing.

I was happy to send most of the contents of the box to the shredder.

I had forgotten, however, about some of the random contents I’d tucked away in there.

Sprinkled throughout the Book Box were post-it notes with quotes in my loopy cursive, torn pieces of paper with scribbled quotes from movies or television shows, and torn pages from magazines with quotes on them.

As I read these, I smiled, picturing myself in my little one-bedroom West LA apartment scribbling quotes and notes in the wee hours of the morning. The night owl in me was alive and well those days.

In my final Bad Blog of 2020, I’m going to go back to those late-night notes and share a few of them here. I remember the circumstances and reasons for some of them. Others I don’t. Either way, it was good for me to revisit them, and I hope some of them are encouraging to you as well.

Here they are!

December 14, 2020

12,000 Steps

“Why are we like this?” Ah, we’ve asked this question many times.

I thought about the days of old, the ones before Apple Watches and activity trackers came into my life. I thought of the college days when my pink flip phone took crappy pictures and I had to hit the 7 button four times to type an S when sending a text. I trained for half and full marathons like this and had no idea what my pace was during these long runs. I just made a route ahead of time so I knew I’d gone the distance and didn’t worry so much about pace. It was about the experience, not the inner competition with a watch.

November 23, 2020

Throwing Stones

As a kid, I liked to collect pretty rocks. The shinier the better. The more misshapen the better. Sometimes I’d even find a dull looking rock and crack it in half with a hammer to see if the inside was shiny. I’d be delighted if the insides sparkled.

Today I still have pretty rocks, and, to some, random rocks around my house might look a little peculiar. But, then again, I’ve never claimed to be “normal” so perhaps visitors chalk it up to my eclectic taste in décor.

I came by some of these stones while living in West Los Angeles. Others were picked up after I moved to the Midwest.

The new rocks are healing stones.

(Now relax, family and friends. I have not taken to worshipping inanimate objects and I’m not delving into devil worship.)

November 16, 2020

Character and Characters

I’ve decided to write a novel. Well, perhaps I should rephrase. I’ve had a trilogy “planned” for about three years now. I just haven’t done anything about it. I recently figured out why that might be the case.

I’ve had this grand plan to write an exciting story with the “usual” Secret Service assassination (or assassination attempt), complete with a complex execution plan and a hyper-observant batch of agents saving the day at the very last millisecond. Also, it wouldn’t be complete if the first book didn’t end on an extreme cliffhanger where someone has died and we won’t know who until the second book.

I had a general outline of the story for each book. I just needed to write it.

But I didn’t write it.

Every time I sat down to write the story, I failed.

November 9, 2020

September 12, 2001

This election was the first time I voted at an actual polling location. Since election days were usually travel days for me in the Secret Service, I was always an absentee voter. This time, I participated in early voting at a local shopping mall. I was excited as I stood in line. It felt like my first time voting. I sat in the little booth smiling like a little kid as I filled in my bubbles, smirking at the fact that Kanye West was actually an option on the ballot. I thought it was joke when others mentioned it. Guess not. I grinned from ear to ear as the lady stamped my ballot and handed me the “I Voted” sticker. #American

“I don’t want to talk about the election. I stay away from political topics.”

This is usually my answer when people ask me about politics, and, specifically, this election. I think this country has morphed into a place where those conversations are unlikely to remain civil, especially if they occur on the Internet where anyone and everyone behind a keyboard can become a rude, sniveling pile of hate to one another.