I got an automated traffic ticket in the mail not too long ago. It was an ever-so-subtle reminder NOT to go 70mph in a 55mph zone when the traffic cameras are operational. After a painful $75 payment for my infraction, I resolved to pay attention to the “Photo Enforced” signs underneath the speed limit signs on the freeways (Apparently, they’re called “interstates” in the Midwest. Forgive me. I’m still learning the lingo.)

I was incredibly irritated when I got the ticket. The date the cameras “caught” me was almost three months before I actually received the ticket in the mail. Groan. How many more of these are headed my way once someone gets around to reviewing the cameras? It would’ve been nice for swift processing at the ticket office so I knew I needed to correct my behavior.

But who am I kidding? Am I actually correcting my behavior, or am I just putting on a good front when I know a camera is watching? Of course, I slow down before I get to that camera now. Of course, I’m a good little driver when I know there are consequences when I’m not.

Traffic cameras are basically karma with a flash. In approximately three months, your actions today will come back to bite your bank account in the butt. Congratulations to me (insert sarcastic mutterings).

Cameras, in general, are excellent temporary character fixers.

We want to look our best when the cameras are on. We strike poses. We smile. We pretend to have our acts together. We slow down to make a good impression.

Social media is the epitome of falsities when it comes to reality. We post pictures of our “best self” while we’re allegedly living our “best life.” Our narcissism values the “like” from a stranger over authenticity. Photo editing software overwhelmingly dominates the “influencers” of social media.

No one wakes up camera ready, but we’d love you to think so. In reality, every morning we all shuffle to the bathroom to pee and scare ourselves in the mirror because that intense bedhead rivals Chewbacca some mornings. #IWokeUpLikeThis

Not only that, but no one likes getting caught being fake because that invites scandal. There are plenty of politicians and Hollywood types whose violations came back to bite them in the butt later on.

Actions mean something, and they mean even more when we think no one is watching. Poor actions cost more in the long run (at least that’s true of my traffic violation).

So… if I’m not at my best but pretend I am, is that being inauthentic?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, wondering if authenticity involves a hard balance between suck-it-up and honesty. Sometimes there are jobs and tasks that need to get done no matter how I’m feeling that particular day. Sometimes I have to interact with people when all I want to do is escape people. But my attitude on a bad day doesn’t change the fact that I should be kind to those around me.

I think how I act on those “off” days says more about my authenticity than the easier days. It amazes me how shocked the world gets when a celebrity does something nice for others when they think no one is watching. Keanu Reeves was captured giving up his seat on a subway years ago, and people went nuts. Maybe Reeves is a genuinely nice guy. He didn’t appear to know he was being filmed. I have way more respect for someone like that than someone who donates millions to a good cause, brags about it on social media, and then treats a barista or Uber driver like dirt. People are completely capable of simultaneously doing “good” things while living as total jerks. Jerks eventually get caught being, well, themselves.

As I swallow my pride and absorb the fact that I may have been caught misbehaving on the Interstate over the past couple months, I forced to remember that my actions today have consequences later. It really doesn’t take much effort to be a decent person. I think that’s what people fail to realize on their “off” days while taking out their frustrations on others. The balance comes in recognizing our shortcomings while not letting them cripple our character.

It’s not about hiding a bad day or editing out the tough stuff for social media or camera purposes. It’s about being honest about it WITH character, and character is the same before, during, and after we pass the cameras.

Embracing the typos until next Monday,

Mel

March 15, 2021

The MySpace Series: Part One

Last week, I was searching for an email to prepare for a podcast interview. The keyword search produced a handful of emails, one of which had the subject line “myspace blog posts” and myself as the sender/recipient.

Apparently, a few years back (or eleven), I copied all of my old MySpace blogs from college into an email (probably before I deleted everything on MySpace). I don’t remember sending this email, nor do I remember writing any of the posts.

As I read through them, I realized I’ve matured a lot since then, but I also realized I might need to revisit some of the “wisdom” my young adult mind was spouting on MySpace.

I guess I’ve been blogging badly longer than I thought.

March 8, 2021

The Way Up

Well, I’ve had to make some more big changes in my life. For the last month and a half, I’ve been burning the midnight oil, stuck between finishing up the old and getting started with the new. For the first time in a long time, I fell behind on the things that matter to me a lot, and it’s not like me to let that happen. The Type-A in me was (and still is) horrified.

January 11, 2021

The Little Things

Last week was quite a week, wasn’t it? I found myself saying aloud, “What is happening?”

What is happening? A lot, to say the least, and enough to leave anyone in a state of sadness and despair. What a mess. An important, troubling mess that needs sorting and fixing. Anyone on all sides of the table can probably agree with that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s to come, both for me and for the country. I think I, like many, secretly hoped for clarity and change as the New Year rolled around. A clear path to the future.

When I know I need to make a change, I delay the decisions and hope for a “sign” that it’s the correct one before I make it. I’m sure many can relate to that. Big decisions are scary. Change is scary. But risk is necessary sometimes. Like I’ve been saying for a long time, I can’t move forward without getting uncomfortable.

But a sign would be nice, sometimes.

I suppose clarity and answers are often present if we stop and listen long enough to see them. There’s something to be learned everywhere, even if it’s in the little things.

That’s what I want to share today… a few little things.

December 28, 2020

Notes to Self

Last week I went through my Book Box, a big decorative box I used to store book drafts and ideas when I was writing Agent Innocent. Talk about a trip down memory lane. Wow. Those early book drafts were rough, not to mention very angry and depressing.

I was happy to send most of the contents of the box to the shredder.

I had forgotten, however, about some of the random contents I’d tucked away in there.

Sprinkled throughout the Book Box were post-it notes with quotes in my loopy cursive, torn pieces of paper with scribbled quotes from movies or television shows, and torn pages from magazines with quotes on them.

As I read these, I smiled, picturing myself in my little one-bedroom West LA apartment scribbling quotes and notes in the wee hours of the morning. The night owl in me was alive and well those days.

In my final Bad Blog of 2020, I’m going to go back to those late-night notes and share a few of them here. I remember the circumstances and reasons for some of them. Others I don’t. Either way, it was good for me to revisit them, and I hope some of them are encouraging to you as well.

Here they are!

December 14, 2020

12,000 Steps

“Why are we like this?” Ah, we’ve asked this question many times.

I thought about the days of old, the ones before Apple Watches and activity trackers came into my life. I thought of the college days when my pink flip phone took crappy pictures and I had to hit the 7 button four times to type an S when sending a text. I trained for half and full marathons like this and had no idea what my pace was during these long runs. I just made a route ahead of time so I knew I’d gone the distance and didn’t worry so much about pace. It was about the experience, not the inner competition with a watch.

November 23, 2020

Throwing Stones

As a kid, I liked to collect pretty rocks. The shinier the better. The more misshapen the better. Sometimes I’d even find a dull looking rock and crack it in half with a hammer to see if the inside was shiny. I’d be delighted if the insides sparkled.

Today I still have pretty rocks, and, to some, random rocks around my house might look a little peculiar. But, then again, I’ve never claimed to be “normal” so perhaps visitors chalk it up to my eclectic taste in décor.

I came by some of these stones while living in West Los Angeles. Others were picked up after I moved to the Midwest.

The new rocks are healing stones.

(Now relax, family and friends. I have not taken to worshipping inanimate objects and I’m not delving into devil worship.)

November 16, 2020

Character and Characters

I’ve decided to write a novel. Well, perhaps I should rephrase. I’ve had a trilogy “planned” for about three years now. I just haven’t done anything about it. I recently figured out why that might be the case.

I’ve had this grand plan to write an exciting story with the “usual” Secret Service assassination (or assassination attempt), complete with a complex execution plan and a hyper-observant batch of agents saving the day at the very last millisecond. Also, it wouldn’t be complete if the first book didn’t end on an extreme cliffhanger where someone has died and we won’t know who until the second book.

I had a general outline of the story for each book. I just needed to write it.

But I didn’t write it.

Every time I sat down to write the story, I failed.

November 9, 2020

September 12, 2001

This election was the first time I voted at an actual polling location. Since election days were usually travel days for me in the Secret Service, I was always an absentee voter. This time, I participated in early voting at a local shopping mall. I was excited as I stood in line. It felt like my first time voting. I sat in the little booth smiling like a little kid as I filled in my bubbles, smirking at the fact that Kanye West was actually an option on the ballot. I thought it was joke when others mentioned it. Guess not. I grinned from ear to ear as the lady stamped my ballot and handed me the “I Voted” sticker. #American

“I don’t want to talk about the election. I stay away from political topics.”

This is usually my answer when people ask me about politics, and, specifically, this election. I think this country has morphed into a place where those conversations are unlikely to remain civil, especially if they occur on the Internet where anyone and everyone behind a keyboard can become a rude, sniveling pile of hate to one another.

LIGHTS, CAMERAS, ACTION!

Cameras, in general, are excellent temporary character fixers.

So… if I’m not at my best but pretend I am, is that being inauthentic?

It’s not about hiding a bad day or editing out the tough stuff for social media or camera purposes. It’s about being honest about it WITH character, and character is the same before, during, and after we pass the cameras.

Mel

The Bloggy Blog

Older Stuff

I guess I’ve been blogging badly longer than I thought.